Panini's Wild Adventure
by The Black Fool
Summary: This story is redonkulous.
1. Panini's Wild Adventure

It was a beautiful day in Marzipan City and Panini had just finished slaughtering the innocent. And then something completely unrelated happened.

People ran every which way screaming so harshly that blood poured from their mouthes and rivulets of tears ran down their faces. The city was on fire and was being demolished by a giant rampaging monster. But, Panin was too distracted by much more important matters. At the very same time, Chowder was ending their so-called relationship. And for some reason, he was dressed as a porn star.

"Guuurrrl, you is bein redonkulous." He began, his lips pouted and his fingernails at were at least a foot looooowng. "You need to cut dis shit out."

He then violently slapped Panini across the face and walked away in his twenty-inch high platform shoes.

Panini's face drooped into such a revolting frown that it imploded upon itself and tore the very fabric of time. A ripple passed through reality and throughout the world, destroying city and melting people alive.

Five minutes later, eveything was somehow back to normal and Panini was _**moping.**_

"I'm **_moping,_**" whined Panini as she passed in slow motion through a crowd of fast-paced people. She then fell into a deep depression and gained three hundred pounds.

After several months of eating fried chicken and watching Adam Sandler movies, Panini decided to throw herself back into the dating world. Endive suggested they go speed dating together and she agreed.

"Laydees, you have ten minutes to spend at each tayble." Said the host, Jerry Lewis. "When my good buddy John Wayne fires is pistol, you rotayte."

"Rotate, Stranger," said John Wayner, who fired his pistol. Panini sat down at the first table, and her first date was for some reason Mung Daal.

"Hello, fine lady." He greeted her. Panini felt literally sickened by his utter creepiness. Mung's eyebrows shot up and down uncontrollably.

"Did you know that I make my own peanut butter?" Mung asked seductively. He popped open and entire jar of peanuts and poured them all into his mouth and began to chew. Panini watched in horror, her eyes twitching and bile rising up her throat.

Mung produced a piece of toast from nowhere and collected all of the chewed peanut onto his tongue. He spread the mess onto the piece of toast with his tongue and offered it to Panini.

"Eat it. It's good." Mung wispered menacingly as his eyes turned demonic red and his mustache curled. Panini accepted it with shaking hands and began to eat it.

The peanut butter was so redonkulously good that Panini climaxed and saw nothing but rainbows as long as it was in her mouth. She shook with convulsions and barely noticed that Mung had slipped her his contact information. It turns out, Mung's saliva is made up of sugar, high fructose corn syrup, pure marijuana, and semen. Panini had to have more.

For the rest of the speed dating program, Panini shook and shivered, anxious to get back to Mung. She had to have him. When John Wayne shot the pistol for the final time, everybody cleared the building. Panini, weakened by her desire, crawled across the floor in pursuit of Mung Daal. She followed him all the way into a dark alley and ravaged him and ate him. Panini was soon arrested for aggravated sexual assault and public intoxication. She went to federal prison and was violently raped and killed by a large, muscular inmate. Chowder went on to become a famous porn star and Shnitzel was run over by a car and became a bionic man and became a crime fighter. Endive lost several million pounds using Jenny Craig.

Everyone lived happily ever after. The End.


	2. Chowder's Literary Fury

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**: Am now a winner or maybe later? Don't read this chapter if you are allergic to deep meanings, thoughtful exploration of emotions, symbolism, implications, hatred, snake venom, spice rack, Brooklyn, this story, or awesome.

_Chapter Two of Crap: Indeed and such what with the width of the expansion continues to fall beneath the outline of the property as it decreases accordingly_

It was a dark and stormy night. There was a knock on the door; the telephone rang. The television turned on and off. A screwdriver floated through the essence of reality.

Of course the rain hadn't stopped for several hours, as it hadn't begun prior to it's start. Chowder observed this fact as he was reading over a draft of his client's novel. It was lacking in its basic story, and the way in which it was delivered absolutely blew his mind. The plot was rambling and incoherent, and the characters were flat and generic, and the overall sentence structure was so horrendous that he could barely read a lick of it.

The hours flitted by, and soon it was 7:43 pm. The draft eventually came to a confusing close and Chowder shuffled wearily out of his now darkened office and into the deadly streets that was Marzipan City at Night.

Chowder's mind, now completely muddled by the god-awful piece of literary shit that was his client's novel, was racing. He knew that he would have to cancel the novel before it could ever see the light of day. Suddenly, Chowder's mind imploded from the shear stupidity of the book and trying to divulge its meaning. Then, a tiny Gremlin that was the horendousnificity of his client's novel emerged from Chowder's shattered brain and devoured his corpse whole. It gained Chowder's form and scurried back to his office, where he approved the novel and sent it to the publisher.

Soon, the book hit stores and took Marzipan by storm. Many copies were bought up and began to plague the minds of sane people and impressionable morons and a war soon broke out among the townspeople. The war was so gruesome and bloody that history texts list it as the most brutal, merciless battle ever fought in the history of anything. Even the neutral civilians were ripped to shreds, and the ribbons of their entrails and gory flesh were on flag posts for all to see.

The Gremlin stood stoically among the burning flesh and mountains of organs. A single tear slid down his face. What had he done? Why did he release that monster unto the public? How could he have known it would destroy the very essence of humanity and bring them down to the ruthless level of cannibalism and undying hatred?

The Gremlin cried his last and heroically lifted a shining silver dagger into the air. It's divine blade glinted in the mourning moon and shined upon the slaughtered people. Life itself wept for the poor people of Marzipan city; the stars and heavenly bodies in the sky wailed in horror and sorrow. Jean Luke Picard face palmed in reverence for those slain.

And with his last breath, the Gremlin took his own life that night, mixing his blood with those of the fallen people.

And then John was a zombie.


End file.
